First of all, is to understand the primal urges of our instinctive brain.
Women look for security and safety. They are hypergamous (sp?), which means they are always looking for the better man…and they will monkey branch…they will latch on to that superior man while still with the other one. It’s a basic survival instinct.
Men want to copulate with as many women as possible…to ensure the survival of the species. They also want to conquer and move on.
It’s no wonder there’s a 60+ divorce rate.
So you have to realize that this is happening and know how to combat it if you want to sustain a committed relationship. You will always have the urge to stray, but the question to ask is, after the betrayal (that’s what it is) WHAT THEN? What will you do? Will you hide it and deal with the guilt? Will you be honest and risk losing the relationship? None of those options are positive. That’s what you are left with.
There is a fog that comes over you when you look outside your relationship. You justify your coldness and lack of intimacy because you are not getting what you want out of the relationship. Then it comes to a head eventually and the fog lifts and you realize that you want what you originally had…sometimes no matter how bad it was.
So to stay together you have to deal with these basic things. You can do it internally or together. Just be honest with yourself. Are you looking at other women/men? Always ask yourself…
What will I do then?
What are the consequences?
Even if you are not looking at another person, the same question can be asked. If this doesn’t work…WHAT THEN?
What will be the fallout? Who will get hurt? It will not only be you of course, but probably a lot of other people.
Another thing is that you can’t hide it. Your partner knows your vibe. If you are not feeling it they know.
And if you are looking for an “out,” no matter what kind, it gives you an excuse for not talking about your feelings and resolving issues.
Trust is intrinsic to any relationship and very valuable. You might only truly trust only 2 or 3 people in your WHOLE LIFE!!!
Once it’s destroyed, it can never be restored. A whole new relationship has to be developed…and you will have to become a new person to do it!!!
They say divorce is worse than death.
What I can’t understand then, is why there is so much of it…divorce, not death, lol.
So those are the negative reasons why we act the way we do in relationships…and the negative way to combat those instincts.
But that really doesn’t create a good relationship.
Commitment, transparency, and accountability are crucial to your relationships and your life. You will never Love Yourself if you don’t absolutely incorporate these into your life.
It seems hard to be honest with yourself and your partner…and let them be honest with you. What they say sometimes will not be what you want to hear, but it’s necessary. They know things about you that you don’t, so take it to heart…and change as a result.
It’s also “hard” to become accountable….do what you say…and admit when you’re not.
It’s difficult to trust someone enough to tell them what you are really feeling…maybe telling them things you never told anyone else.
It’s hard but no comparison to the destruction of your very soul.
How about being honest enough to apologize when you didn’t Love Yourself and took it out on them.
You blamed them for you not being the person you want to be.
It’s not them…it’s you. Doesn’t matter what they did. You could have acted differently!!!
They are not psychopathic. They are just reacting to what they thought you did to them, out of their own self-hate.
Yeah, that’s right, it’s either self-love or self-hate. There is no in-between.
Can you imagine going thru life not Loving Yourself?
So imagine the Opposite.
That results in compassion…for them and you.
And controls your reactions.
If you get in a fight, think about what you did…not what they did.
You can only change yourself?
That is Loving Yourself!!!
For more info, reply to me here or at firstname.lastname@example.org, or PM on FB at https://www.facebook.com/How.to.Find.Your.Dream.
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